Uncle Drinking in the Basement

I’m all for online dating, matchmaking sites. I have seen and heard of a lot of great people, including good friends of mine, find a wonderful partner and/or significant other via the web.

This build-up of course, is leading to a……..BUT

Enter Shady.com, officially known as Shaadi.com. Now envision a fifty-something Indian uncle sitting in a basement sipping a glass of Old Monk Rum or five, and creating the world’s largest (self-proclaimed) matrimonial online service for the Indian community.

First, let me clarify a few culture-specific usages for those unfamiliar:

• “Uncle” & “Aunty” - Most brown folks of the South Asian persuasion use these terms to refer to members of the community that are older and not necessarily blood related. It’s a title used for respect but not always a term of endearment.
• Shaadi – means wedding in Hindi (Indian language, not a religion, or ethnicity).
• Caste – Yes, I said it – you’ve probably heard it. It was/is a social system and hierarchy prevalent in India which seems more bad than good. The Wikipedia entry on Caste drives home the fact that at the very least, it is a super controversial topic.

I love and respect those I know who have found their future brides and grooms on shaadi.com. And here’s another….BUT, I was helping a friend get set-up on this site, and it rocked my world, in an, “are you joking?!!” kind of way. The front page looks all innocent and promising and then POW!

WHY IS CASTE A REQUIRED FIELD FOR REGISTRATION? No blank option. The only non-specific answers in the drop down menu are: I DON’T KNOW that could make you look like a moron or out of touch, and OTHER which has its own negative implications to some.

WHY IS THE DEFAULT FOR MOTHER’S OCCUPATION – HOMEMAKER? Absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I don’t think the father has that same default.

WHY DO PEOPLE STILL HAVE TO PUT DOWN COMPLEXION (lighter skin still translates to prettier even if you are unattractive) AND WHAT THE HELL DOES WHEATISH COMPLEXION MEAN?

All of this leads me to believe in a wise friend’s thought: that this site was actually created by an uncle drinking in his basement. An old school, traditional, conservative uncle. And when I say drinking, I don’t mean water. And when I say basement, I mean one of those bomb shelters that he must have been in for at least twenty years before we began to evolve some more.

Because clearly, from the incredible diversity of relationships across caste, class, race, religion, gender, etc, we know that you don’t have to be cut from the same cloth to be compatible. We also know that all the measures, requirements and criteria in the world do not guarantee a perfect match. Don't we?

And yet uncle, you still think its okay to make caste a required category to register to meet someone? Aren’t you just forcing a whole new generation to continue a practice that well, we aren’t shouting from the rooftops about?

Okay so one alcoholic uncle in a basement is probably not the mastermind behind this website.

BUT it’s less troubling than thinking about shady.com as the brain child of a group of uncles, with wheatish complexions drinking in the basement…